The messages we get regarding anger....what if those messages were wrong? What if anger was not the dark cloud and storm that you need to seek cover from? What if anger was not something you needed to manage? What if anger was not something you needed to calm? What if your anger was not bad or negative? What if your anger was not something that drained you of your goodness? What if anger was not a lack of clarity?
What if your anger is what you need?
In Episode 103 "Anger: All the Cool Kids are Feeling it" Erez explores meeting our anger where it is and how it is something we can benefit from- without running from it.
Transcript "Anger: All The Cool Kids Are Feeling It "
Host Erez Shek
[00:00:00] What is up. I am Erez Shek and you are checking in with The Shek Check; the podcast, dropping gems of awareness that hopefully lets you take it inward to work that self awareness muscle of yours. Promoting that self check fact check to better understand how we think, feel, and behave. The discovery of a lifetime lifetime, lifetime lifetime. And today let's talk about "MEETING YOUR ANGER WHERE YOU ARE".
[00:00:30] Let's get Shekked, let's get Shekked, let's get Shekked, let's get Shekked.
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[00:00:37] There is a lot to be angry about in this world. Well, in my eyes, there's a lot to be angry about and in many ways I hope there is a lot you are angry about in this world. You know, I'm reminded of a past episode when I had therapist and author, Ralph Del Rosa on my show, we talked about anger and rage. We talked about his book
[00:01:00] perfectly titled, as "DON'T TELL ME TO RELAX: EMOTIONAL RESILIENCE IN THE AGE OF RAGE, FEELS, & FREAKOUTS" . If you wanna check out that episode, you can check out the link in the show's description. But not yet. Right now. You are with me. You are here in this episode. Yay.
[00:01:16] Yeah. Now a good portion of the time when we feel strong emotions like anger, we automatically jump into thinking that they are bad or negative, right? That they're not helpful, dangerous perhaps,
[00:01:30] energy drainers. We immediately think consciously or subconsciously- how can I get away from this feeling? How can I stop being angry? How can I dare I say, calm down.
[00:01:42] I think it's really our fear about anger. You know, the learned shame around feeling anger that is more of a problem than the anger itself, or maybe our fear of what actions we will take from our anger, because anger and the way we express it are
[00:02:00] interconnected, but they're not the same thing.
[00:02:02] We hear about managing our anger, right? Anger management- as if we can actually manage an emotion when really what we need to look at is how we manage our expression of that anger. And then I realize something. What if it's not even how we manage our expression of that anger, but rather what we do with that energy- the energy that we get from the feeling, the
[00:02:30] energy that ignites in us, the, the anger energy, or the angry energy, or the energy of anger, whatever, like, however you wanna call it. I'm talking about energy right? Because all our emotions hold energy in us. They all ignite something within us.
[00:02:46]When we feel strong emotions that have been called negative, we think we need to escape them, get rid of them and calm ourselves down when actually. What we might need is to match
[00:03:00] it and send it into more productive directions.
[00:03:04] Yes, yes. Yes. Anger is information just like any feeling is information. You know, it's information of, of what we respond to as an injustice. It is information on pain. It is information on our hurt. However, seeking to understand that anger and the information it is holding or sending you in the very moment... is not always needed. We can't over intellectualize everything that we're feeling. Understanding what
[00:03:30] information the feeling is giving you in that moment is not necessarily helpful, or it might not necessarily be the answer or a part of a process to simmer down, to calm down, blah, blah, blah. Because we're told if we're feeling certain emotions, we need to calm down.
[00:03:46] The question, I think, that matters more than the information that you can find in the emotion in order to calm down is what can you do with that anger? What can, what, what can it push you to do that might be more productive, healthy, and affirming
[00:04:00] because the anger. It's not unhealthy. It's not bad. What you are feeling is not bad. You don't need to move away from that feeling because that anger, that feeling can be a driving force.
[00:04:12] For instance, you know, as a gay man, there is so much right now that is in. The process of being taken away from me and my rights and it massively scares me and it massively angers me and the fact that people don't see that massively angers me as well. Right? And, and
[00:04:30] the fear and the anger are coexisting. And it's hard to back off from that. I think anybody who faces that much hate for who they are, should be scared and should be angry. I think anyone whose human rights are being questioned constantly should be scared and should be angry. So if I'm scared and angry, what purpose does it serve me to calm down?
[00:04:54] Sure. We can go with the thinking that I might, you know, be able to think more clearly
[00:05:00] if I calm down for my anger and fear, but what if anger is not making me unclear? What if anger is not clouding my judgements? What if it is actually pointing me very clearly into a direction that I need to focus on, like being more active and fighting against the religious voices, the political voices, the ignorant voices, the heteronormative voices. What if that anger is my clarity? And if I come down from it, I
[00:05:30] lose the clarity. The anger, that energy, it serves a purpose when I look to see how I can redirect and use it.
[00:05:39] Is it applicable to any time I feel anger? Nah. Nothing is a hundred percent. I do think it's worth it for you, for me to test the waters. What if... what if whatever you are feeling angry about doesn't need your calmness? Does it need the age, old societal oppression and suppression of your
[00:06:00] emotion? What if that anger that you feel just needs to be redirected to something that works for you and your wellness without you trying to mute it or get away from it or suppress it or repress it?
[00:06:15] The teachings we get from society regarding our good and bad emotions will always focus on how we can bypass certain emotions and emotional states. When sometimes the healthiest thing we can do with
[00:06:30] ourselves is to use and utilize it. Utilize the emotion.
[00:06:35] Something to think about and check yourself on, because that's what we do here at The Shek Check. We check ourselves. I would love to hear your thoughts on this. So make sure if you haven't already to visit me on all my social media hotspots: Instagram, Facebook, and the Twitter-verse. You can also check out the blog post and transcript for this episode on The Shek Check Dot Com. Unless, you are actually already listening from The Shek Check Dot Com and, uh,
[00:07:00] you know, you can leave a comment there too, or here, or, you know, wherever. All those links to the blog post and my social media spots can be found in this episode's show description, wherever you are listening to The Shek Check from.
[00:07:12] So please don't forget to hit that follow or subscribe button so you can get notified when any new episodes drop, because you know, the more prompts to check yourself on the less you potentially wreck yourself. And we like that, don't we? I mean, I do, I hope, I mean, I do, but I'm also creating it. So like, you know, but I hope you do too,
[00:07:30] because that, I mean, that would, that would be great. I would like that very much. So. Yeah, let's do that. And also, uh, please remember to keep taking care of yourself in whatever way that you see fit or are discovering because when you are taking care of you, you are taking care of all those around you. Unfortunately it's the people you don't like as well, but you know, it is what it is. So do that. Please.
[00:07:54] Until next time, Shek Check out.